


Photograph

by TheChief, YourForever



Series: Too many memories [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: F/M, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-06 18:02:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4231491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheChief/pseuds/TheChief, https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourForever/pseuds/YourForever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loving can hurt sometimes, but it's the only thing that I know when it gets hard. You know it can get hard sometimes. It is the only thing that makes us feel alive.<br/>We keep this love in a photograph. We made these memories for ourselves, where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never broken, time forever frozen still.<br/>So you can keep me inside the pocket of your ripped jeans. Holdin' me closer 'til our eyes meet. You won't ever be alone. Wait for me to come home.<br/>Loving can heal. Loving can mend your soul and it's the only thing that I know. I swear it will get easier. Remember that with every piece of ya. And it's the only thing we take with us when we die.<br/>And if you hurt me, that's OK, baby, only words bleed. Inside these pages, you just hold me and I won't ever let you go.<br/>You can fit me inside the necklace you got when you were 16, next to your heartbeat, where I should be. Keep it deep within your soul.<br/>When I'm away, I will remember how you kissed me, under the lamppost back on 6th street, hearing you whisper through the phone, "wait for me to come home."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Photograph

Fucking Michael.

"It clashes with his hair." Luke defended, leaning down, lips brushing against my ear.

"I don't care. He's gonna change it in a week and a fucking half anyway. Tell him he should change it to match  _my_  wedding colors."

"He doesn't want to go bald." Luke curled an arm around my waist. This was the hundredth time we'd had this discussion and he was just throwing out the same old defenses now.

"He's already pretty damn close, is he not?"

"Hey, be nice." Luke hummed, though I could hear the smile evident in his voice as he pulled me back against his chest.

"It's not as though I haven't -"

"Shh." The blonde giant rested his chin on the top of my head, eyes on the television screen, waiting as the announcer ran through a series of sponsor ads.

"Don't shush me." I grumbled, hands resting on his as I kept my eyes on the screen of the laptop I had perched in my lap.

As Luke drank in some ad about hair dryers, I pulled up my Skype window and scrolled down to Michael's name, pulling up our last chat - just a little under thirteen hours ago - and typed up a new message.

_We're not doing bright purple._

I hit send and it was a few moments before the pencil appeared at the bottom, showing his typing.

_Why not?_

Idiot. Behind me, Luke shifted his position slightly and the ad changed to the intro to some movie he was super excited to see. Again.

_You damn well know why not. I don't care if my wedding looks cool with your hair._

Typing. Typing. 

_Please. You didn't even want to get married to begin with._

I felt Luke's arm tighten around my waist as he snuggled closer and I realized he'd been reading the chat over my shoulder. It wasn't like he didn't know about my thoughts on his proposal, but he'd already done as I requested to amend it and didn't like to be reminded of that first time.

* * *

 

_Three weeks. It took Michael three weeks after my initial acceptance to tell Luke about what I'd asked him to do. About how I'd asked him to talk Luke into changing his mind. I had almost thought he'd keep that little tid bit to himself too until finally, Luke was there, bursting into the room, looking angry and sad at the same time as he seemed to square himself off, against me._

_"Really? You wanted_ him  _to talk me out of it? Michael? You didn't just say no? God, if you didn't want to marry me that much, you really didn't have to say yes."_

_"Luke, it's not like that."_

_"Really? Then what's it like, cause I'd like to know."_

_"You don't understand." And I explained. Everything._

* * *

Liz and Calum were right. The red flowers didn't look bad at all. I liked them a lot better as I was walking down the aisle than I had in the florist shop. And there, right beside Cal and Ash, Michael's hair almost matched them. Almost.

Luke looked relieved and ecstatic and shocked and I couldn't be sure if it was a good combination until he grinned and I had to return that with one of my own. It'd made him wait three years for this. Three years after putting him through the most stressful proposal ever and I refused to set a date. Luke thought I was stalling because I was scared, but I was giving him time.

They'd gone on two more full world tours as well as a short Western Europe acoustic tour and a few festivals and award performances in those years. I was giving him time to find the person who could make him happy through all of that, instead of calling during the middle of the night, crying because I'd woken up during a dream about him only to find out he was gone.

Except everytime he came home, he'd pick me up and spin me around as though we hadn't talked hours before. As though he wasn't impatient and frustrated and confused. As though he didn't care that I was making him wait.

It was during their acoustic tour that I'd finally set a date. Michael and I had long since come to terms that I wanted what was best for Luke by letting him find someone perfect and he wanted what was best for Luke by convincing me that I was wrong. Even if I occasionally considered ripping out his hair, Calum would only laugh and tell me to ignore him.

Then I'd met up with them for a visit and seen Luke surrounded with the two fans who'd won backstage passes to this venue. They were, unsurprisingly, girls, and one was lounging on the couch beside Luke while the other was sitting on the edge of the coffee table since Michael had stretched out across the rest of the couch.

Despite the fact that he'd been surrounded by beautiful people who would be a lot easier to deal with, Luke, when he caught my gaze, grinned full out and left in the middle of their conversation. Ashton promptly slid into his vacated seat with a smile as Luke's arms curled around me, pulling me into a hug.

I stifled a laugh and hugged him back. Our relationship wasn't public to the fans. Not really anyway. A few of them suspected and we occasionally had a trending hashtag on Twitter, but for the most part I was just their friend from Sydney.

"C'mon. Let's go find some food for you." Luke said the words just loud enough for the girl on the coffee table to glance over, slightly miffed, though her friend had already draped herself across Ashton's side and was laughing at some bad joke. Calum ducked out of the dressing room, tugging a too torn up shirt down as he did. 

"I'm in for food." He grinned, coming over to give me a hug, though he did scoop me up and carry me while I laughed.

I didn't point out that there had been food on the table at the other end of the room or that - more importantly - I wasn't hungry. I'd simply followed him out, into the hall where Calum sat me down and snorted at Luke.

"Make it less obvious, yeah? Meet me back here in twenty. I'll take care of food."

Luke hadn't wasted anytime in dragging me to a different room and pressing me against the wall, mumbling about a dream he'd had as I threaded my fingers through his hair, soft mewling noises encouraging him to keep up the attack on my neck as he spoke. "Fuck, I woke up and we had a little girl who looked just like you and she had two big brothers with your eyes and my nose and we were playing in the living room and you were laughing and you looked so god damned happy and when you had to get up to go to work, the nametag on your uniform said Hemmings and god, I thought everything was perfect but then I fell out of my bunk and it wasn't real and I want it to be real. Oh, I want it to be so real. I want you all sleepy in my arms every morning. I want five kids. Yes, five, but it'll be okay because they'll all look like you and I can't ask for anything more. I want you to have my god damned last name. I want you. I want everything, and god, I want it now."

He kept talking, words pressed against my skin as though that would help get the point across better, but it did, kinda and I tugged Luke up, slotting my mouth against his, ignoring the way he kept mouthing the words "want you" into the kiss.

I set a date, officially on the tour bus that night. Three months. Three months to put a wedding together. I called Liz while Luke was grinning at me, fingers circling the hickey on my neck.

Now, I was there, white dress and all and too bright flowers and Luke. Luke staring at me from beside the altar. Luke's eyes helping me forget that he was making a mistake.

* * *

_I'd told him to make it six months. That had been my condition. I'd marry him if he went six months without seeing me. And he'd had to go on at least three dates with other women. I didn't want him to settle for me._

_Except walking away that day had been the hardest trek I'd ever made and I'd cried myself to sleep every night for the first two weeks, staring at old pictures of us, writing and erasing text messages, hovering over the call button beside his contact information. On the fifteenth night, I found the box._

_Small and round and covered in the softest velvet. I knew what it was and I opened it just a crack and took a peek at the gold bands inside._

_Sixteen days in, I broke down and called Calum who shook his head and called me self destructive. He, in turn, called Michael who called me pitiful and brought Luke around. Luke whose hair was pressed down flat under a beanie and had bags under his eyes. Luke whose voice was rough and hands were rougher when I finally fell back into his arms, apologizing._

_I knew I was bringing him down, but if that's what it felt like forcing him to take a shot at someone else, I'd rather just wait until he left later._

_So I buried myself against him and we watched bad 90's movies and finally_ finally _I let him slip the thin gold band around my ring finger._

_He called me his fiance at the restaurant that night and ended up pulling me into the bathroom to makeout against the wall, laughing into each other's mouths._

* * *

 

"Happy anniversary." Luke's breath was soft, just a brush of sound nearby and it was enough to wake me up.

"Hmm?" Confused, I didn't react for a moment before glancing at the calendar at the other end of the room. "Luke, we've only been married for a month."

"Exactly." Luke murmured, tracing his nose along my jaw before settling his lips against the hollow of my throat and I closed my eyes to bliss.

* * *

 

_"It's like you don't want this. You don't want to work for what we have or you're trying to make me work for it so much I give up," Luke's voice rose above loud and I winced back._

_He knew he was right._

_I didn't respond and he huffed and stormed out of the house and I told myself I'd seen this coming. I slipped into one of his shirts before deciding that was worse and pulling on a robe. I'd puttered around for a bit, doing nothing, writing and rewriting apologies before erasing them. I managed to type out a text to Ashton to tell him to take care of Luke before slipping into the shower, deciding I'd figure it all out tomorrow._

_After a too long, too hot shower, I'd pulled his shirt on anyway and turned my phone off and curled up on his side of the bed._

_I'd woken up hours later to slurred words in my ear and for a second I thought he was drunk except there was no alcohol smell and it took another moment to register that he was crying - sobbing - and I slid over and let him lay his head on my stomach, arms around my hips, using me as a pillow as I curled around him just in time to hear four words._

_"I won't give up."_

* * *

 

There weren't loud words. We'd gotten past loud words before. We'd gotten past yelling matches until our throats were raw. But it all morphed into this kind of silent tension that rose up and smothered us, so that the first time it really hit me was when he left. He left without saying goodbye and assuring me he loved me and telling me all about the little life in my stomach. About how we were gonna be the perfect parents.

He was late coming back from band rehearsal that night and I fell asleep on the couch waiting for him and when I woke up, his car was still missing and I texted Calum and apparently he'd just slept over.

When he did come home, he was bleary eyed and hungover and that was fine. I wasn't gonna start a fight, so I let it slide. And that's where it started. I let two or three things slide and suddenly everything was sliding by so fast I couldn't catch my balance and I was at my six months appointment with the doctor and she offered to let me know the baby's gender and I broke into tears because I wanted Luke to be there too. To know if he was gonna get the little boy he'd dreamed of so long ago.

Except it was a girl.

I sent him a text on my way home, but he was out by the time I got there. It took a moment before I'd remembered that it was Calum's bachelor party and I'd called a cab and hurried there.

Except Luke wasn't there. Luke wasn't there and this was where he was supposed to be and Calum was too drunk to answer and Ashton wouldn't meet my gaze and it was Michael who led me outside.

"Where is he?"

"I dunno. Never showed. Sent a text saying he was with you."

And that was a ton of bricks to the chest and I'd felt a knot forming in my throat.

"Did he meet her? Did I finally win this stupid little game? Do I get to be the one saying 'I told you so'?" And I'd only gotten angrier as I spoke and I wasn't crying like I'd thought I would and Michael just pulled me into a hug.

"Do you at least know her name?"

"No, and I won't find out. Can't stab my girl when she's down, can I?"

And the fury rose.

The burning, righteous anger was still there the next day when, he strolled into Calum's wedding with a murmured apology in my direction and a halfhearted excuse about a faulty phone charger.

I managed to make it through the ceremony, smiling through the wedding party photos, Luke's hand draped around my waist, my head on his shoulder.

During the reception, Michael kissed my cheek and it struck me how quickly things had changed and I'd dragged Luke a room off to the side where I locked the door and turned on him, ignoring his 'this is not the time' excuses.

"That's fine. We won't do the main act here. This is the opener, but when we get home - and we will both be going home sober - we'll be talking long and hard. We'll be yelling and screaming, because damn it, Luke we knew how to get past screaming and I'm so tired of being alone in that house. I don't care if it means I leave and you bring your new lover in, but we have to figure out something and we have to figure it out now."

And it took him a second to register what I was saying, but, when it hit him, his eyes widened and his nostrils flared and he shook his head. "I'm not - You think I'm - I waited three fucking years for you, I'm not going to give up when you have my last name and you're carrying our baby and god, I wouldn't give you up for the fucking world."

"What the hell am I supposed to think, you're always out or-"

"Yeah, currently trying to put as much of an album together as possible so that we can get through cleaning and I'll be able to have the first six months of her life off of work."

And oh, yeah, okay, that made some sense, but it was some kind of upside down bullshit thinking. "Kamikaze-ing your way through an album isn't the way to work it, Luke. You know that. Besides, I like you singing your songs at home. It made everything a little less quiet and I don't like to breathe when you're not there."

And Luke's face softened and he stepped forward, but I stepped back, refusing to let him get too close.

"We're not done. Just because you don't know what to say to make it better doesn't mean you can trick this. We're not, we can't be done." I glared, hands in fists as I watched him and he made another move forward and I took another step back, this time into someone else and I turned to apologize before realizing it was Michael.

"C'mon. They want the best man to give his speech."

And we nodded heading out of the room and Luke offered me his arm, almost hesitantly and I took it. "We're not done. This isn't one of those 'I'm just glad to have my husband back' sitcoms. You left me. You're gonna have to fight to stand by me as an equal again. No secrets this time."

A sigh. A hand through that blonde quiff. "I know."

"You're sleeping on the couch until the baby's born."

"With you, I hope?"

"Hell no." My jaw was set against the teasing tone, he wasn't winning this one. "You get one blanket and one pillow. You have to earn everything else after that."

He took a moment before nodding, finally coming to terms with what I was trying to express. What he'd put me through for some super secret mission he'd invented.

Fucking men.

"I expect breakfast in bed every day for the next three fucking years."

Another nod.

"You're gonna have to beg for every fucking scrap of affection. You realize that right?"

Another nod before he was turning to face me, waiting for me to finish before he continued into the room, went to go give his speech. And I could see the worry and tension there and I knew he'd do it all too, so I sighed and offered a truce, a small smile.

"Starting tomorrow."

* * *

 

_"You're mine. You're my wife." Luke's voice was raspy, lips scraping over my collarbone as I arched up toward his touch._

_"Fiance. We're not married yet." I pointed out, breathless._

_"A month and a half. After three years, I'm already across the finish line on this one, babe."  Nails dragged over my hip bone and I groaned. One long breath before he placed a kiss on the center of my sternum. steadily slipping downward until his mouth was pressed just above my bellybutton._

_"And this." His hands thumbs made lazy circles on my skin, fingers just tickling me and Luke was still talking and I couldn't quite focus._

_"Hmm?" I breathed out, hoping he'd get the hint and repeat himself._

_He chuckled, nipping the skin on my stomach once for good measure. "This is where we'll grow our family. Do we have to wait for the wedding?"_

_"Fuck no, come here." A hand slid through his hair, tightening at the back of his neck and pulling him up so I could play with lip ring too._

* * *

 

"I've never been a godfather before." Michael cooed the words at the sleeping baby in his arms.

"You're welcome," Luke grinned, as if it had been completely his idea.

"Dibs on teaching Bethy over there soccer as soon as he can walk." Calum chimed in from the other side of the hospital bed.

"Damn it, Hood. Doc was wrong. His name isn't Elizabeth anymore." Ashton pointed out, despite the fact they'd all brought pink balloons.

"I don't care. I'm calling him Beth still. Now, it's my turn to hold him."

"Fight me, Hood." Michael retorted, playing with the little wisps of blonde hair on the baby's head.

It was around then that there was the sound of muffled shushes and murmurs before Liz, Andy, and their brood stepped in as well.

Liz came forward immediately, stealing the baby from Michael in one swoop. "And what's my grandson's name?"

Luke and I looked at each other and grinned. 

"Liz meet -" I was cut off by a hand on my wrist.

"Can I tell her?" Luke was pleading and I rolled my eyes but nodded anyway.

"The stage is your's, Hemmings."

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if you can tell, but I don't write happy endings. I write sad ones or melancholy ones or just kinda vague moving on ones. I don't write happy stay together endings. This one's iffy.


End file.
